An Open Letter to Mitt Romney

(work of the relentlessly righteous and bitterly crude Mr. Fish)

Dear Mitt,

Let me begin by expressing my admiration for your political genius. A moneyed candidate from Massachusetts, whose selling point in the primary was his electability against a hated incumbent? The nation hasn’t seen a contender like you since 2004! Your groundbreaking electoral maneuvers will no doubt be the subject of talking heads’ books for months to come.

Unfortunately, despite the many strengths of your campaign, you’re still behind in key swing states. You know as well as I that you can’t just cross your fingers and hope the new poll taxes will save you. It’s true that much of Obama’s base is, ahem, “disappointed” with his administration – but at the end of the day, aren’t they going to suck it up and vote for the Lesser Evil? At best, they simply won’t vote for either of you.

That’s where I come in.

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